I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
how does that bad decision feel?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
