My girlfriend figured out who you are.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
