so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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