I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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