I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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