you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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