I puked a lego.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
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drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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