if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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