before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
