kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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