I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Randomize
