You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the jesus of drinking
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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