why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I think I am morally bankrupt
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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