There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
