I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
