i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You have to summon your inner elephant
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
