dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
