i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
