Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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