I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Randomize
