Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
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Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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