How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize