i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
