I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
