Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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