Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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