hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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