Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
This house was built for laser tag.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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