i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
There's always time for handjobs
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
