let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
