Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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