I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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