What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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