Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Randomize
