Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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