matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
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