i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
