i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
