Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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