we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
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the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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