I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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