Already got asked if we're dating
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
be right there i have to get my cape
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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