turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
