nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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