So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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