I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
