"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
