You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
