omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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