The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
