I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
