my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
