Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
