Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
