The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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