She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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