yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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