Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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