Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
im six kinds of drunk right now
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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