my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
my shit smells like andre
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I need to calm my uterus...
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
