apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
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