i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
We got so high we made milksteak
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
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