Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Dicks are not precious.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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