I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
