well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
