I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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