I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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