Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
