While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
