i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
