I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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