I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
