I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
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