Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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