I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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