I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
