As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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