forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Randomize
