At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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