your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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