I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
