So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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