So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
