shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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