Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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