his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
