Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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