dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
