My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
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I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
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For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"