Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?