Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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