There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
