I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
