I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
