I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
