Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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