i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
